I won't give up
by upon-a-girl
Summary: Short One Shot. Set at the end / after Firebird. Killian sent Emma back home, back to life. But was is with him, how does he cope with Emma leaving? HURT.
" _But then you have to promise me something, too. Don't let me be your unfinished business. Move on from here. Don't wait for me to show up."_ Emmas voice was weak and more and more tears were falling down. Urgency in her eyes, a sobbing crave in her voice.

" _Aye, luv"_ , a caressing smile yet so weak and sad was on his lips. Plastered there to give her hope, to be strong for her, to hold back his own pain. A tear escaped his bleary eyes and he clenched his teeth. " _I think I can manage that."_ I just want you to be ok.

He then guided her backwards, into the elevator. One last squeeze to her hands and then he pulled down the gate. To guide her back, to bring her home.

Emma stopped him halfway down, endless despair in her eyes, mirroring his own. " _I love you"_ , he let words slip out of his mouth, that meant the world for him, " _I love you too"_ , and she, for her.

Both their bodies came together for one last kiss, imbued with urge, despair, passion, sadness, but above all with love.

He grabbed her shoulders through the gate, needed so desperate to touch her one last time, to feel her on last time. He held her tightly, like she held onto him.

And then he broke away. To get her home, to give her a life. A shadow of a smile, so weak, so broken, flashed over his face and then, with a deep, shaky breathe, he shut the gate all the way. Their eyes never left the ones of the other.

Her hand met his and then the elevator began to move.

His hand didn't left her. He kissed it, urgent, sad, loving. And then he saw Emma, the love of his life, his true love, slowly disappearing upwards. He held her hand as long as he could, his fingers caressing hers and his arm stretching for her, not ready to let go.

But she moved upwards, higher and higher, and he tried to hold on to her hand, tried to reach it again and again and again. Their hands slipped away, like their time together did, but their souls were one. Embracing, kissing, holding tight, their souls did all tat, their bodies wasn't meant to do anymore.

And then all he could do was standing there and watch the love of his life vanishing up there, without him. But you belong to me. You are my heart.

He looked into her eyes, looked up to her, looked after her, until he couldn't see her anymore and she was long gone.

The tears were falling, her name died on his lips in loud and mute cries, when he finally slumped to the ground.

Seconds went by or minutes, hours, days. He didn't knew, he didn't care. All he cared about was Emma, all his thoughts were with her.

He pressed his hand over his chest, powerful, painful, tried to numb his pain, to crush the spot, where once his heart was and where now a hole was, a black hole, which was eating him alive.

He closed his eyes, drowning in pain like bird in the wavy sea, gasping for air like a fish struggled on the land.

He chose her the moment he saw her. _Laying under all these dead bodies, he looked up and then he saw her. And it was like the first time he'd seen the sun in 300 years. So bright, so full with life._

 _And then the moment he knew, he was lost forever. The way she looked at him, "please, you couldn't handle it." So much teasing, shyness, fear and curiosity. "Perhaps you couldn't handle it", his response just a whisper. And then the kiss, which turned his world upside down. The kiss may not have been a problem for him, but what it exposed. She left him breathless, alone, with an instinctively controlled need for more._

 _The moment she had kissed him, after he had confessed that he had traded his ship for her, his Jolly Roger. She was surprised, but he had already known, that he was hers forever. She was all that would ever count._

 _He may had broken her walls down, but Emma had changed him completely. Love had only brought him pain and he had went the road down to revenge and recklessness._

 _But Emma… Emma had brought life into his life, she had chased away all his darkness, she had shown him a way to become a better man, to become the man, he always wanted to be. With seeing the best in him, she helped him to see the best in himself too._

And the moment he finally, truly realized, that she chose him too, that he may be worth all her love, that this thing, what they had, were pure and true, she was gone.

" _I don't wanna loose you… I love you… No matter what you've done… I do wanna have a future with you… I do believe in you"_

She was his happy ending.

How was he supposed to move on from here, when all he wanted, was to see Emma again, to take her in his arms, to kiss her, to tell her how much he loved her, to build a future with her, to never be apart from her again?

How should he move on to a better place, to a happy place?

There would never be a happy place for him, when she wasn't there. No matter how much he would try to let go, no matter that he had sworn to her, that he wouldn't wait for her.

He didn't know, how this bloody moving on worked, he didn't know, what he was supposed to do now, but one thing he knew for sure: There would never be a happy place for him or at least a better place, when it wasn't with Emma by his side.

Killian latched onto the wall of rock, until he stood straight again, his eyes focused on the shaft, where the elevator had brought Emma away.

He didn't believe, that there was a way for him to come back to life. After the portal was probably long gone, less than ever.

But he swore to the devil, to God, to his useless long gone father, he swore to everything and nothing, but most of all, he swore on his true love, that he would not bloody rest, until he had tried everything, turned every stone down here, searched for every possible tree, for a way to come back.

And if he had learned something from Emma and her parents, that there was always hope, that love was worth fighting for it.

" _I will find a way, Emma…"_


End file.
